I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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