it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize