capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize