I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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