I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
