I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
