During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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