Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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