i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
