I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
