The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
