No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
