OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
