Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
