he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
