Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
