So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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