fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
