i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
