It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
