She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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