I need help removing her.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
