I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
