so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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