is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
