I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
