Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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