I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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