Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
