Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
