I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
