im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
