Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Randomize
