Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize