I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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