Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
