do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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