real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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