wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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