Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
