I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
