i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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