I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So here I am, sexting at work.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
