I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
