you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
