And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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