All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
