Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
