did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
