wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
