I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
