So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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