It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
