Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
