OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
