If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
