I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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