I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
