So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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