So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
