Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
