Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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