I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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