Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
