I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
