So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
