i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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