Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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